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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633124">What He Means to Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouvaireafterdark/pseuds/prouvaireafterdark'>prouvaireafterdark</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>RNM ficlets [18]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2x12 Coda, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Communication, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Alex Manes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:02:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>731</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouvaireafterdark/pseuds/prouvaireafterdark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Gregory said he stepped between me and your dad because he knows what I mean to you,” Michael says, like Alex wasn’t there, like he didn’t see his father point a gun at him with his own two eyes. “But I realized that I don’t. I don’t know what I mean to you.”</p><p>***</p><p>Michael wants to know how Alex really feels.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maria DeLuca/Michael Guerin (mentioned), Michael Guerin/Alex Manes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>RNM ficlets [18]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545418</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>231</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What He Means to Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here, have a coda to an episode I did not watch bc I can’t help myself lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What do I mean to you?”</p><p>Alex freezes where he stands in front of his counter, his back to Michael as he fixes two mugs of coffee. It’s late, but after the week he’s had he’s not going to be able to sleep tonight, and Michael’s always been a bit of an insomniac anyway.</p><p>“What?” he asks.</p><p>The floor creaks under Michael’s weight as he takes a tentative step closer and Alex’s heart hammers in his chest.</p><p>“Gregory said he stepped between me and your dad because he knows what I mean to you,” Michael says, like Alex wasn’t there, like he didn’t see his father point a gun at him with his own two eyes. “But I realized that I don’t. I don’t know what I mean to you.”</p><p>“Yes, you do,” Alex tries, but Michael isn’t having it.</p><p>“No, not really,” he argues. “All these—Alex, look at <em>me</em>, not the fucking coffee.” </p><p>Alex sighs and turns around, unwillingly giving up his distraction. Michael’s closer than he anticipates, only a few feet away from him, and it makes Alex feel like all the air has been sucked out of the room for a second.</p><p>“All these months, we’ve been talking in past tenses about what we <em>used to feel</em>, what we <em>used to mean</em> to each other, but I keep playing what Gregory said over and over in my head and he didn’t use the past tense, Alex,” Michael says, chancing another step closer. “He said he knows what I <em>mean</em> to you.”</p><p>A part of Alex feels like he should be jumping at the opportunity to finally say what’s on his mind, but his heart aches as he reminds himself that he already <em>tried</em> to have this conversation with Michael <em>months ago</em>. He’d waited for <em>hours</em> for the chance to clear the air, to tell Michael he’s never stopped loving him, not for a <em>single goddamn second</em> since he was seventeen years old, but Michael chose someone else. In that moment, he chose Maria, and he’s chosen her every moment since.</p><p>He knows he deserves it after walking out on Michael so many times, but Alex’s heart can only take so much disappointment, and if he bares his soul to Michael only for him to leave and choose Maria <em>again</em>, he doesn’t know if he’ll survive it.</p><p>“You don’t want me to tell you,” Alex says carefully, eyes downcast like that’ll make it easier to lie to him.</p><p>“What the hell does <em>that</em> mean?” Michael explodes at him, and when Alex meets his eyes it’s not anger that he finds there but pain—an agony that’s perhaps as old and weary as his own.</p><p>It makes him falter, sends the world shifting beneath his feet, but Alex doesn’t say anything, the words locked away in his throat.</p><p>“Is it really such a hard question?” Michael asks him.</p><p>“Of course not,” Alex scoffs. It’s the easiest one in the world.</p><p>“Then <em>tell me</em>,” Michael begs, eyes wide and wet. “<em>Please</em>, Alex. I’m sick of—of speaking in metaphors and hiding behind tenses, I just want to know how you feel. I want to know what I mean to you.”</p><p>Alex feels the grief and desperation in Michael’s voice as if it’s his own, and he realizes that if he lets Michael leave his house without telling him the truth, it won’t matter that he’s managed to save some small scrap of his heart. He’ll lose Michael all over again, for good this time, and in the face of that revelation, Alex finds he just doesn’t have it in him to lie anymore.</p><p>“You mean <em>everything</em> to me, Michael,” Alex tells him at last, his voice breaking along with his heart as he says the words that will finally set him free from this prison of his own making. “I love you.”</p><p>Alex watches Michael’s face start to crack, tears filling his eyes the moment Alex gets the words out. He isn’t sure which of them moves first, but the next thing Alex knows Michael is in his arms, clinging to him as he buries his face into his neck.</p><p>“I love you, too,” Michael whispers back, his voice rough and shaking under the weight of his confession, and that piece of Alex’s heart that’s been hurt and angry and frightened for the last ten years finally starts to heal.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Find me on tumblr <a href="https://prouvaireafterdark.tumblr.com/">@prouvaireafterdark!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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